I may never understand why my Mother left this earth so soon, or why in a matter of moments was she taken away from us– for one moment she was speaking with me and the next she could not speak any more. Time stood still and yet it did not. Had it stood still, I would still have her with me. Time stood still inside me & I felt the most excruciating silent pain.
The pain – It’s silent. It has no words. It feels like a void. For a long while or may be for ever it will feel like things don’t make any sense. My connection to the world, the person who nurtured me and brought me to this world – is no more! The only pain you cry out with out your Mother is the one when she is no more. It is also a pain that stays with you- forever.
I feel. And the silence within me grows. She left a rich inheritance – Her courage, kindness, empathy, wisdom, and above all her forgiveness. I should be able to move and make sense of things around me – she would have. But I can not. I can not move. The silence grows stronger and moves deeper.. yet I can’t move.
I miss Mom. I still can not make sense of things around me. The one thing I do know is that I need to let the pain somehow be a source of constant courage and let it burn softly inside me. I don’t know how.. yet. I may never know.